My first violin recital
Yesterday I had my very first violin studio recital. I cannot stress how precious it is to have the opportunity to perform as an adult. Of course I enjoy the craft for itself, whether it’s ballet or violin. But I also love to share my love for them with other people and to have them witness my progress. To me a performance is like a ceremony, a celebration, a milestone. It’s an acknowledgment of how far I’ve come and serves as an inspiration for what’s to come.
I was thrilled when my teacher invited me to participate in the recital. The catch was that I only had 10 days to prepare. Granted I would be performing a piece that I had been working on for almost three months but I never got it to a point where I would feel comfortable performing it in front of an audience. I was worried. I thought about backing out every single day leading up to it. But the opportunity to perform was simply too precious to pass on. Even if I messed up terribly and embarrassed myself in front of all the students and their families, so what? They don’t know who I am and I won’t have to see them again!
I practiced more diligently than ever. The truth was that there were a couple of really tricky spots of this piece that I’d been ignoring. But now I couldn’t ignore them anymore. This was a good lesson for me about things coming back to bite you in the you-know-where.
While I have been accompanied by pianists before, I never cease to be amazed by how much they can add to the performance. Since my accompanist is a much more experienced pianist than I am a violinist (I still cringe a little calling myself that…), her playing became my anchor. Looking back, I wouldn’t have survived the recital without her.
On the day of the recital, I wasn’t ready to play at the level I would have liked, but I was as ready as I could be given the time and preparation I had. I wasn’t nervous, or at least I didn’t think so. But right out of the gate, that bow was shaky as can be! It threw me off. This issue didn’t come up during lessons or rehearsals. But while I was on stage, the adrenaline was out of control. I had so much energy that it was spilling over. The upside was that it got me through the fast and energetic passage with unusual speed and precision. This was actually one of the phrases I was most worried about. However it did me dirty during the lyrical passage, which was what I was most confident in. I tried to take deep breaths and focus on phrasing but my bow arm was almost moving out of its own volition. Before I could try anything else, that section was over.
There was another tricky spot where I simply adapted and gave up on the double stop. I was gladly I was able to think on my feet and make the change. Unfortunately even by the time we got to the ending my frantic energy was still not under control. During the last fast run I messed up an entire bar. My instinct was to stop and try again. But in a live performance I had to go on. I promised myself before I went on stage that whatever happened, I would keep moving along. This is where the pianist was tremendously helpful. She played with such energy and determination that it propelled me forward. I gave up on that one bar and shifted straight up to the next position and finished the piece decently in tune. I took my bow and went on my way.
Even though the performance didn’t go as planned, it went as well as it could. It was importantly to put myself through these stress tests so that I can know myself better as a performer. I would never be a professional violinist, but performing live is a crucial aspect of this art form. My fear before the recital was that I would feel embarrassed, or worse, discouraged. But on the contrary, I want to do it again and do it better. I was so inspired by the younger students, their courage to perform in front of an audience, their generosity to share their love for music with others, and their youthful energy. (This makes me sound 100 years old…) I was honored to have shared the stage with them.
Now I have permission from my teacher to play Bach! I cannot express how much this means to me. Bach Partita in D Minor was one of the most beautiful pieces of music ever composed. It would take me a lifetime to study it and perfect it. And now is the perfect time to begin.
